As you’ve likely picked up on if you follow my blog, I’ve been following other people’s statistics and adoption timelines pretty closely, and I knew that receiving our LOA today would put us exactly on track with what has been happening lately, and I was so hoping that would happen! Well, in reality, I was actually hoping it would come earlier than this week, but once it was clear that wasn’t going to happen, today was my hope!
Like any obsessive pre-adoptive mom, I checked my phone approximately every 2 minutes while Miranda and I were out grocery shopping this morning, just to make sure I hadn’t missed a call or e-mail. I texted Matt at lunch time that every time I saw the little red light on my phone start blinking, indicating that I had some sort of message, my heart jumped, hoping it was good news about our LOA…but nothing had come in yet.
While Miranda was napping this afternoon, I put on the new Mumford and Sons CD – good yearning music – and got started on my work time. A few postings from people with other agencies started to pop up, saying that they’d gotten LOAs or other approvals, but there weren’t a lot, and by 3:15 or so, I’d resigned myself to the idea that it just wasn’t going to happen today (and, to be totally honest, started irrationally wondering if it would just never come), and I needed to be okay with that and continue to move forward with life, doing what I need to do.
The Mumford and Sons CD had run its course, and I got up from my computer for a moment, resolving that I’d put on the song from Sara Groves’ latest CD that starts out with these lyrics:
I believe in a blessing I don’t understand
I’ve seen rain fall on wicked and the just
Rain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us
I needed the encouragement to press on, the chorus of:
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me
And before I set up the song to play and remind me of the God who is my foundation, Letter of Acceptance when I want it or no, I glanced at my inbox again and saw an e-mail from one of the women in our agency’s Waiting Child department with the subject line, “YOUR LOA IS HERE!!!!!!” My heart lept, and I did a double take. I read the e-mail about 5 times before deciding it was real and calling Matt to tell him the good news!
I feel like the entire day from 3:30 onward has been a sustained rush of adrenaline. China has actually agreed that Cai Qun can be our daughter! In addition to my toddler here at home with me, I have a little girl in China! And we’re really going to be able to go and get her! I can hardly believe it’s real.
I called and texted family and friends and posted an update here that I could share at RQ and with our Facebook adoption groups and responded to congratulatory messages, giving thanks that we have so many people who are excited with us.
And then we went out for dinner with our good friends Aarik and Brooke at our favorite Chinese restaurant in town to celebrate. Don’t you love Brooke’s fortune?
And after Matt and I tucked Miranda into bed, we finalized our decision to give Cai Qun an American name of Madeleine. We’ll retain Cai Qun, as well, but we want her to have an American name, too, and we’ll call her whatever she’d like at different points in her life. And as for our decision on the name Madeleine…I love it 🙂 Matt and I have been married for over 9 years now, and we’ve known each other for over 14 years, and I think we know each other very well. We look back at those traits that initially drew us to one another and we take pleasure in the shared joys that we’ve grown into together – and every once in a while, but not very often, we have a moment of sweet harmony, a realization that something not yet spoken of that has been dear to one of us for some time has also been treasured by the other. The conversation we had about Madeleine L’Engle and the love we each had for her writings growing up and continuing into adulthood was one of those moments. And the name Madeleine – it is beautiful, poetic. I think it will fit our little daughter well.
And tonight I wrote my first letter to our little Madeleine Cai Qun. I keep journals for my babies. I want them to know what they were doing at different points throughout their lives and what our relationships were like and how I felt and thought at the time. I want them to know how much I love them, always. And so I write to them, long-hand, in little leather-bound journals. Miranda’s first letter was written the night of her 20-week ultrasound, when we knew she was a girl, as we were looking toward her birth and her life. And now that we have our official approval to adopt Cai Qun, I felt like I could finally write to her, too. The first of many letters. How I long to have her here with us now!
And yet…WOW. I have a LOT to do before she comes home. I think it’s probably best if I don’t even go there right now – another post for another day 🙂 For now…sleep is calling my name. Goodnight, friends. What a day. I am so blessed.