Coronavirus 2020: Why We Are Staying Home – And Why I’d Encourage You to Stay Home, Too, If You Can

Like most of the rest of the world, I have been following the news of the coronavirus closely for the last couple months. Having two daughters from China, I was particularly struck by reports of this new virus killing people and shutting down cities in that country that will always have a piece of my heart.

And then it spread – and now it is here in the States. And each of us is faced with the question – what should we do now? Even if we could trust the leaders of our country (and the evidence is clear that we cannot), each of us is responsible for ourselves, and, in a broader sense, we are all bound together as a society, and we share responsibility for what happens to us all. We are all responsible for making wise choices, but when there is no clear, competent leadership, we have an even greater individual responsibility.

Initial data indicates that without intervention, each person infected with the coronavirus transmits it to somewhere between 2 and 3 other people. The World Health Organization (WHO) states that its incubation period is probably between 1 and 14 days – meaning that people can transmit the virus to others for up to two weeks before they develop symptoms themselves. And they also state that, “older persons and persons with pre-existing medical conditions (such as high blood pressure, heart disease, lung disease, cancer or diabetes)  appear to develop serious illness more often than others.”

Its mortality rate, right now, seems to be around 3-4%. But, beyond that, we can see significant issues. For instance, “Around 20% of cases require hospitalization, 5% of cases require the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), and around 2.5% require very intensive help, with items such as ventilators or ECMO (extra-corporeal oxygenation).” Our hospital systems in America simply do not have the capacity to provide ICU care to the numbers of people who may need it. The same article states, “A few years ago, the US had a total of 250 ECMO machines…So if you suddenly have 100,000 people infected…Around 20,000 will require hospitalization, 5,000 will need the ICU, and 1,000 will need machines that we don’t have enough of today. And that’s just with 100,000 cases.”

As of yesterday, there were about 3,500 people who tested positive for the coronavirus in the States. However, one of our earliest failures in fighting this disease has been in testing. A Johns Hopkins physician was quoted last week (back when the official tally of cases was 1,600) as saying, “Don’t believe the numbers when you see, even on our Johns Hopkins website, that 1,600 Americans have the virus…No, that means 1,600 got the test, tested positive. There are probably 25 to 50 people who have the virus for every one person who is confirmed…I think we have between 50,000 and half a million cases right now walking around in the United States.” This article explains in great detail how we can estimate case numbers and project into the future.

There are no confirmed cases of the coronavirus in the city or county in which we live. But what does that mean? It certainly does not mean there are no cases. It means that there may be cases…but we don’t know it yet. And quite probably, those people who have the virus don’t know it yet either.

So what do we do?

I believe we need to start acting like there are cases here. And, as many are advocating, we need to do everything we can to flatten the curve. If everyone gets sick at once, our healthcare system (our hospitals, our ICUs, our ventilators, our ECMO machines, our doctors, our nurses) will be overwhelmed. This is already happening in Italy. They are having to make decisions about who to treat – who will live and who will likely die. No one wants that to happen here.

And there is something each and every one of us can do to work to prevent it. This brief Washington Post article with simulations does an amazing job explaining and showing why social distancing works. Please check it out. Look at what happens when everyone moves around normally. Look what happens when only one in four people continue to move around. And then look to see what the results are with only one in eight people moving around. The difference is dramatic.

Some people cannot stay home. Doctors and nurses, of course, cannot. My 66-year-old mother who is a Wisconsin county’s Director of Emergency Management cannot. We all need to eat, and those who work at grocery stores will continue to work. Many people have no savings and will be required by their employers to continue to come in to work. However, there are a great many of us who have tremendous privilege, who are able to stay at home. It would be impossible to get any of our cities to a point where everyone stays home 100% of the time – but can we get to a point where only one in eight of us are moving around regularly, or even one in four? Can we slow the spread of the coronavirus enough that we will truly flatten the curve, so that our healthcare systems and our doctors and nurses and other hospital staff members are not pushed beyond their capacities?

I hope so. Lives depend on it. You may be young and healthy, and likely you would be fine, even if you contract the virus (though there are no guarantees). But that is not true for everyone. The mortality rate for those over 80 is around 14%. China’s CDC indicates that the mortality rate, “was 10.5% for those with cardiovascular disease, 7.3% for those with diabetes, 6.3% for people with chronic respiratory diseases such as COPD, 6.0% for people with hypertension, and 5.6% for those with cancer.”

Within my little family, risks are high. I have exercise-induced asthma, which may (but also may not) be an additional risk factor. But for two members out of our family of six, their underlying medical conditions could make the coronavirus extremely dangerous for them. While we often think of osteogenesis imperfecta as primarily related to bones, it is actually a collagen disorder and therefore affects every system of the body. The OI Foundation reports that, “Respiratory complications are a leading cause of death for children and adults who have OI.” The coronavirus could be devastating for FangFang. Additionally and probably even more concerning, last year Matt was diagnosed with interstitial lung disease. His lung function is already so compromised that the prospect of him also facing a virus that attacks the lungs is terrifying. Most people who contract the coronavirus will be fine; would Matt and FangFang? It is less clear.

So what are we doing?

We are staying home. We are practicing extreme social distancing. We are canceling everything. I went grocery shopping on Saturday morning, and that will be our last grocery shopping trip for weeks, at minimum. We are not running errands. Mizzou has transitioned all in-person courses to be taught online, so Matt is able to teach from home. If he has to go in to campus for meetings or any other reason, he will, but he will do all he can from home. We are not attending church worship gatherings. Our kids are staying home from their homeschool enrichment group. Swim practice has been canceled through the end of March. We will not be doing horseback riding lessons. We will not go to the library or to the gym. We have canceled a spring break trip Matt was scheduled to take – unnecessary travel with thousands of other people through airports and on airplanes seems unwise at this time. We have rescheduled all non-urgent medical appointments. We are not visiting friends, and we are canceling visits from those who had planned to come to our home.

Would you consider doing the same? Will you help to flatten the curve? Will you do your part in reducing the risk to vulnerable populations, like the elderly – and like Matt and FangFang? Will you do what you can to protect our health care system and medical professionals? Some people cannot stay home – but if you can, would you please do so?

Maybe it will seem like an overreaction. But what if it doesn’t? What if we are facing an unprecedented pandemic? What if you could save lives with your decisions, by simply staying at home with your family? Would you do that?

Christmas 2019

This year we traveled to Wisconsin for Christmas, and it was the first year in quite a few that my brothers and I and my parents were all in the same place for Christmas! It was so good to see everyone and have that time together <3

My three youngest kiddos helped my mom decorate her tree (she promised to leave off the ornaments so they could assist – and this way there was no pressure for me to get out a tree and decorate, which was great, because I did not want to do it).

The next day was our extended family Christmas party, which included, of course, a game. My family is practically incapable of missing any opportunity for a competitive game.

We went bowling again 🙂

There was early morning art-making…

…and all-day-long snuggling with this girl <3

We’ve also outgrown my mother’s house (by which I mean that me having 4 kids means that I have put us in a position of having outgrown my mother’s house), so Danny and Sharon stayed at a hotel nearby, which wasn’t always ideal (particularly when Danny came down with pneumonia later in the week and wanted nothing more than to sleep all day), but it did give us an opportunity to go swimming – and all of the kids thought that swimming with uncles who can turn into train engines or throw you high in the air was pretty awesome 🙂

One thing we’ve done a couple times now that I’ve loved is had a family book discussion. This year we read and discussed Casey Cep’s Furious Hours: Murder, Fraud, and the Last Trial of Harper Lee. I always enjoy the opportunity to discuss books with other people, and our little family holiday book club has been a highlight for me.

I’ve always liked the idea of matching pajamas but hated the cost, but this year Miranda and I saw $5 matching fleece pants at Target, and that seemed like a good compromise. This was our Christmas morning photo (or 4 that Matt cropped together!).

We did our annual cookie decorating.

And of course there was a significant amount of game playing!

Everyone is really into Legos right now, and Atticus made several creations during our time in Wisconsin.

Miranda has been asking to get her ears pierced for a while now. Our stance on it has been that as long as you are old enough to care for your piercings appropriately, it is your body and your choice. However, as this is a “want” and not a “need,” it is something you either have to pay for yourself or request as a gift. Danny and Sharon said they would take Miranda to get her ears pierced for her Christmas present (and doing so in Wisconsin actually requires less documentation and is cheaper – yay!), so one afternoon, Sharon, Miranda, and I went and got her ears pierced. She looks so grown up <3

On our last day, Matt and I took advantage of the Discovery World membership we bought last year, when we realized that it was cheaper to buy an annual membership than to pay for one visit for our family of six! The kids were going a bit stir crazy, so it was nice to get out and give them a chance to run around (and, of course, to learn!).

It was so good to have this time with family and celebrate together, and I’m already looking forward to the next time we can see everyone again – as is Miranda, who has been writing letters to each of our family members, one by one, lobbying for future visits!

Thanksgiving 2019

Obviously my 2019 blogging has been lacking, but because this blog serves as a memory book for our family (among other things), I’d like to capture a few special moments before the close of the year!

This year Courtney and my parents and my brother David joined us for Thanksgiving. We got out and did a lot but also had some fun times at home, and overall, it was an enjoyable week!

We went bowling one evening.

Courtney and David and I ran the Thanksgiving morning 5K. David finished faster than Courtney and me by a solid few minutes, but we all made it through the course, and while I don’t so much enjoy running itself, I do enjoy having run 😉

Matt and the littles came to cheer us on (and eat our post-race pieces of cinnamon roll)!

We had an exciting Thanksgiving double-Masterpiece game!

And of course, a gigantic Thanksgiving meal 🙂

The girls and I took David with us for a fun horseback riding lesson – and also got in some quality time with one of the barn cats, whose real name is Melvin, but whom Miranda has nicknamed Patches. He is very friendly, and she asks me regularly if we can formally rename him and bring him home with us. No, that’s not quite how that works…

We also celebrated Atticus’s birthday – my baby is five!

In celebration, we got my brothers’ and my old Nerf toys out of the attic and set up targets for all the kids to shoot, which they greatly enjoyed!

All in all, a great Thanksgiving, and I’m thankful for a great group of people with whom to spend it <3

We Left Our Church This Year

In a recent post, I alluded to the fact that this year has been tough. There are so many factors that have been at play in that.

One big one, though, has been a spiritual questioning, an uncertainty.

I became a Christian as a sophomore in college, and I spent the next decade generally feeling pretty at home in evangelical Christianity. Sure, there were some areas about which I wasn’t sure exactly what to think. And there were segments of evangelical Christianity with which I felt I fit more than others. But I fit.

And then came the lead up to the 2016 presidential election. I’d already known that Matt and I were more progressive than many other evangelicals. We voted for Obama in both 2008 and 2012.

But 2015-2016 felt different – in particular because of the rise of Trump and because so many evangelical Christians supported him, seemingly wholeheartedly. He was famously quoted as saying, “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters.” In my mind, it is a problem if your opinion of a person or their fitness for office would not change if you were to be confronted with undeniable evidence that the person was a murderer.

We already knew who Trump was. We had heard how he spoke about women. We had seen him mock a disabled reporter. We knew. But the Access Hollywood tapes were a whole new level – a stark confirmation that Trump really was the lascivious, lewd, disrespectful human being we had believed him to be. I thought maybe the position of evangelical Christians would be swayed by this clear moral failure – and for a moment, it seemed that it might be. Wayne Grudem, the author of Systematic Theology, a book I considered for many years to be second to the Bible in its authority, penned an editorial withdrawing his support for Trump.

But then – just ten days later – he again urged voters to choose Trump.

What do you do when someone you once considered to be virtually infallible in his Christian character and wisdom and understanding makes a choice – and urges others to make a choice – that you find clearly morally repugnant? What do you do when you start to identify more with writers like Shannon Dingle (who wrote an incredibly persuasive editorial about why she, as a pro-life woman, was voting for Hillary Clinton) than with Wayne Grudem? What do you do when the voices that speak to you most begin to be people like Sarah Bessey and Jen Hatmaker? When you actually read some of the writings of Rachel Held Evans – whom you’d always, for some reason, dismissed as a rogue inventor of convenient theology – and find that you actually identify with her and her questions and explorations?

What happens when you learn and understand more about the experience of LGBTQ+ individuals and begin to see how important it is that you do not go along with the church’s high-priority, black-and-white stance on an issue that Jesus never saw fit to address once in the Gospels? What about when you have a daughter with a physical disability and you realize how behind white evangelical Christianity is in prioritizing the lives and access of people with disabilities? What about when you know that her experience – and your experience as her family – at your own church has not always worked for your family and is heading toward another season of not working as well as it should? What happens as you realize that the differences between your own stance on gender roles and your church’s is growing, not shrinking – and on top of that, your three daughters are racing toward adulthood? What about when you begin to think about the ways in which church structure – a topic you’d always considered pretty uninteresting – actually matters a great deal to the ways in which relationships within the church function and the health of those relationships? And what happens when you realize that, within your sphere, there are some questions it would not be okay to ask and some answers it would not be okay to give?

If you are me, you begin to investigate – quietly. You begin to question things that you used to believe were black-and-white certainties. You read books. You talk to people you respect. You realize that there are so many more questions than there are answers. Sometimes you do have answers – but those answers are not always the same as the answers the people you have revered as heroes of the faith believe to be true. And sometimes you come to believe that the questions might stand on their own – with answers to be unknown in perpetuity.

And you realize that you can no longer stand in a place of claiming Truth in all of these matters. You no longer believe that the answers are all black and white and certain. You have been given new glasses, your vision has deepened, and you now see the grays.

There is a discontent in the questions. You miss having the answers. You didn’t mean to trade your answers for questions. You thought you were chasing new answers, and you still hope that someday you will find them, but you realize that for now, you are being asked to sit with the questions.

But there is also a peace. There is a space for the not knowing. There is a space for the investigating. There is time for the paths and the future to unfold. There is freedom in that but also fear. You wonder what the future holds – and you don’t know. You are now conscious of the fact that you cannot see the entirety of the path your life is taking – you never really could, but now you know it.

As you contemplate a separation from your church, you realize that you have spent so long conflating the voice of your church and the voice of God that you are no longer able to distinguish between the two of them. You know that the survival of your heart depends upon your relearning to recognize the voice of God. You feel a little bit like Elijah, standing out in the wilderness, waiting and listening – wondering if the voice of the Lord is going to be in the wind or the earthquake or the fire. You know in your heart that it is not – but you also don’t know whether you will recognize His voice when the low whisper comes. You hope desperately that you will – and you know that you have to try.

And you resign your membership in your church. You cry and you mourn and you grieve. You talk to your therapist. These were your people for 12 years. You served together in ways too numerous to count. You brought your babies home to this church. You have shared your life with these people, and you know that some of those relationships will be altered. You have no desire to walk away from these people. But you no longer feel like you fit in this particular institutional manifestation of the church.

It feels a little bit like becoming untethered. Where you were once firmly stationary, set in your little place in the big world, you are now adrift. You feel more alone, more separate from a group, than you have felt in a long time. Part of you feels free to breathe in that new alone-ness; and part of you feels lonely. You are able to explore much more broadly the world around you. You are now free falling, and oh, my God, it is beautiful! But it is wild and terrifying, as well. You wonder – the God of the universe, that Being whose essence you once foolishly thought could be captured in a theology book, whom you once thought you were close to understanding as well as was humanly possible – will He catch you?

And you hope in the wisdom of the Internet age that you have seen so often before.

You don’t know what this journey forward will look like. But you place one foot in front of the other and you trust that God is still writing your story, and that He is good. Sarah Bessey writes in Miracles and Other Reasonable Things, “When we try to script our own resurrections, we miss the places where God wants to surprise us with a more full, more whole expression of healing than we could ever imagine” (p. 157). You feel great comfort in that but also great wonder. You wait, listening, for the low whisper, and you wonder what it will say, and what your story will hold.

What I’m Reading

It’s an icy, wintry day here in Missouri – perfect for curling up on the couch and reading!

I’m actually working my way through a large number of books right now – this is the stack of books in which I’m currently spending my reading time.

One thing I’ve loved over the past years has been building relationships via book discussions. One Thanksgiving, our whole family read and talked about a book. Matt and I have read books together for years. And I’ve loved talking about books with friends – and it is one of the great joys of motherhood for me that my children also love reading and discussing books.

I ordered Mary Oliver’s Devotions for Christmas, and Matt and I have been reading through it together. Her poetry is challenging and inspires contemplation but is also a peaceful resting place for my soul. We’re also reading All You Can Ever Know, by Nicole Chung, a memoir by an Asian-American adoptee, and we’re finding ourselves encouraged to think about what it means to raise our children, particularly our Asian-American daughters, well.

My mom gave Harbor Me, by Jacqueline Woodson, to Miranda for Christmas, and the older girls and I have started reading through it together as our bedtime reading book. Already it has prompted some interesting conversations about friendship, immigration policy, and intelligence.

Madeleine CaiQun received the first five books of the Wings of Fire series from my brother and sister-in-law for Christmas, and both she and Miranda are devouring them. They love them so much that they pleaded with me to read them, too, so I’ve been spending time in the world of Pyrrhia, reading about dragons and their adventures! I’m only on book two so far (Miranda is in book four, and Madeleine CaiQun is reading book seven), but they’re an enjoyable light read. The girls are delighted to have me participating in this reading with them, and I so enjoy that they want to bond with me over our shared experience of books.

My friend Courtney and I are currently reading Jeffrey Eugenides’s Middlesex, a fascinating and thought-provoking story interspersed with philosophical observations. It’s been the springboard for some interesting conversations!

And though these books I’m reading with others are absorbing most of my reading time, I’m also slowly making my way through Suffering and the Heart of God, by Diane Langberg. The question of how an all-sovereign, all-good God co-exists with a world filled with tremendous suffering has long been one with which I’ve wrestled, and I’m appreciating this book’s insights, as well as its counsel on how to love those who are suffering.

I’m enjoying these books – but also looking forward to what I can dive into next! Here are a few of the books currently waiting on my bedside table – gifts from my mom and my friend Marisa and my brother David.

And if anyone else has any great book recommendations – I’d love to have them! I’m always looking for more good reading material.