Snuggles, Tantrums, and Perspective

One day this past weekend I came downstairs this afternoon after snuggling my two babies to sleep, and my heart was full.

fullsizerender

As I was lying between them, I’d told myself, “This is what you were made to do.” 

This return home has not been without its hard times. Our original 3 are all working through the adjustment to having another child join the family, and we’ve seen some jealousy, some big feelings, some good (and not so good) conversations, and some world class tantrums. Jet lag is so intense. Matt and I are working through how to do marriage as parents of four and how to support each other in the midst of this new reality. I still have the last little bits of unpacking to tackle. This past week and a half has been immeasurably intense.

And in the midst of that, I’ve been so thankful for the encouragement of friends. A sweet friend of mine from Chicago, whom I don’t see nearly as often as I’d like but who is still such a blessing in my life, texted me the other day and said, “The gifts God gave you are an unusual mix – smarts, common sense, discipline…exactly what you need to do what he’s called you to at this time.” Those words of life-giving perspective were just what I needed in the midst of that afternoon.

I need to remember that parenting is good work. It’s work that God has called me to, it’s work for which He has and is equipping me, and it’s of the utmost importance. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that. Parenting isn’t generally grandiose. But the hearts and souls of these little people whom God has entrusted to my care are so precious, and the ways in which I interact with them matter. It’s easier to be peaceful and joyful in those interactions when I have a precious toddler sleeping on either side of me; harder when one of those toddlers is going on minute 25 of an intense tantrum. But whether a sweet moment or a challenging one, I am trying to remind myself that the time I’m spending investing in these little ones is important, and it’s the main work God has given me for this time in my life, and He is with me in every minute of it.

I actually thought I’d be less emotionally intense about the entire adoption process and the adjustments when we came home, having been through it all before, but that has not been the case. I was emotional while in China, and I’m emotional now.

That applies to the good and the bad. We got to go to church on Sunday morning and worship God as a family. Even up until the night before, we weren’t sure we’d attempt it. FangFang exhibited some pretty strong “mommy shopping” tendencies in China, but that has diminished some since we have come home, so we thought it might work for all of us to go and just to keep her close, and I think it went pretty well!

We sang the song, “Rejoice” by Dustin Kensrue, and as I sang the lyrics, I couldn’t help but reflect on our adoption journey:

All our sickness, all our sorrows
Jesus carried up the hill
He has walked this path before us
He is walking with us still

Turning tragedy to triumph
Turning agony to praise
There is blessing in the battle
So take heart and stand amazed

Rejoice, when you cry to Him He hears
Your voice, He will wipe away your tears
Rejoice, in the midst of suffering
He will help you sing

Rejoice, come and lift your hands and
Raise your voice, He is worthy of our praise
Rejoice, sing of mercies of your King
And with trembling rejoice

It’s such a blessing to be home with all four of our babies, and I know that God’s hand was in this whole process. I think of the health obstacles, the emotional obstacles, the financial obstacles, and everything else we had to work through to get to FangFang and bring her home, and I think of how it all came together with what in so many ways is perfect timing, and I know we couldn’t have done it all on our own. In the midst of the good and the bad, in the midst of sleeping babies and intense tantrums, in the midst of enjoying reconnecting with Matt and not really enjoying nights full of interruptions to our sleep, I’ll rejoice, thanking God for this work He’s given to me to do and thanking Him for bringing us to this place.

We Made It to Hong Kong! Plus Some Plane Ride Reflections

We made it to Hong Kong! Our flight landed on time around 6:00 a.m. local time this morning (Friday), and we had a full day of adjusting to local time and sightseeing thereafter.

15356626_10102119984525835_1901422506503084995_n

15327386_10101469640754967_2262626438938869020_n

It was awesome – but I have been awake since something like 3:00 this morning and got only about 5 hours of (frequently interrupted, not very good) sleep, and that was after a week or so of limited sleep as the preparations for our travel intensified. It’s now a little after 9:00 pm Hong Kong time, and I am exhausted. Everyone else is already asleep. Tomorrow I’ll try to write more about our travels and day one in Hong Kong, but for tonight, I’m going to try to get some sleep! However, I will leave you with these reflections that I wrote on our flight –

I’m writing this post from somewhere over northern Asia, about 10 hours into our flight from Newark to Hong Kong. Anyone who has asked me recently how they could pray for us in our travels knows that I’ve been nervous about the flights – I’ve flown many times before, and I know the probabilities of anything going wrong are extremely small, but still, I’ve been nervous. I’m feeling calmer now that we have one flight down and are over halfway through our second.

I’ve been trying to remind myself of the truths that I know – looking at Psalm 103 and its truths about who God is, remembering that God tells us in Psalm 46 that He is our refuge and strength, and reciting Deuteronomy 31:6 – one of the first verses I ever memorized – to myself – “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” A good friend also texted me while Madeleine CaiQun and I were having dinner in the St. Louis airport and told me that she’d been meditating on Psalm 40 and David recounting how God had delivered him in the past, so he could trust Him to do it again.

I really appreciated that and spent some time reading and praying through Psalm 40 on our first flight. It was particularly poignant to me, because on Tuesday night, less than 24 hours before we were to leave to begin our journey to China, I connected with a woman who played a huge part in FangFang’s story, a woman and a part I hadn’t known existed. There is another adoption agency working in China that has a partnership relationship with FangFang’s orphanage. As such, they send medical teams there to evaluate the children’s needs and gather more information about them for prospective adoptive families, and they provide assistance in caring for the children and in preparing their files so that they are eligible for international adoption. This agency sent a team to FangFang’s orphanage in January, and this woman was part of that team. While she was there, she saw FangFang, and she talked with the orphanage about it perhaps being a good idea to transfer her to the foster home at which she has been residing for the last 9 months. The transformation in FangFang’s development and in her demeanor since moving from the orphanage to the foster home is nothing short of amazing, and this woman was part of bringing that about. And what’s more, all of this was happening just as we were seeing a blog post advocating for FangFang and praying about pursuing adopting her and praying that, regardless, she would have a family and that she would receive the best care possible for her while she remained in China. It was around that very same time that God was putting into motion all that would need to happen for FangFang to move to what I believe is the best foster home in the country for caring for children with osteogenesis imperfecta and, we believe, calling us to be her family.

I don’t believe any of this is accidental. I think God was answering our prayers 11 months ago, and I interpret the timing of this connection I made the other night as a reassurance from God that He is at work in FangFang’s story. He hears and has been answering prayers for her for months now. That doesn’t mean He’s a genie and that her life will be perfect and anything I request on her (or my) behalf is going to happen. How could it? In that case, she would never have endured the staggering loss of her first family. But it does mean that He is involved in her story, and because I can see the fingerprints of His faithfulness in her past, I can trust that He is going to continue to be faithful in His care for her in the future. My hope is that that means safe travels around and home from China! But regardless, I am honored to be a part of His work in this precious child’s life.