A Busy May Full of Visits and Transitions

I took a few weeks off of blogging in May – it was a bit of a crazy month! My dad visited at the end of April, then my mom came for a visit.

Our Chinese teacher (who has become a friend) graduated and moved across the country to be with her husband.

We had an ER trip for FangFang when she flipped her wheelchair over on top of herself. She was, fortunately and miraculously, completely fine.

We’ve had FangFang enrolled in public school, receiving homebound services, but we had her last session and withdrew her from public school.

I spoke at our church’s women’s retreat, where we studied the book of James, super hard-hitting. I loved getting that time away with other women, having good conversations, connecting, and worshiping together. The camping atmosphere was…not my favorite πŸ™‚ But we did have cabins with beds, and there was an actual bathroom, and I survived! And I learned a lot studying James 3 and 4 in preparation for my talk about our speech, about our hearts, about our recognition (or lack thereof) of God in the world, and about humility and wisdom – a lot to cover but some really good stuff.

FangFang also managed to fit in a trip to urgent care. She fell off of a picnic table at the park, earning a cut on her face that required 5 stitches.

We spent a day in St. Louis with my cousin Kevin and his family, which was a blast. We really enjoy Kevin and Rebecca, and they have a daughter, Sawyer, who is just a bit older than Miranda, so we all had a really fun time hanging out together.

Matt finished his semester and headed to Michigan for 6 days, at which point my mom came back for another visit to help out while he was gone. We might have survived without her, but it was definitely incredibly helpful to have her here, especially since no one slept well for most of that week! Atticus, in particular, is very attached to his routines, including Matt putting him to bed each night, and he was not always pleased to have me hanging out with him instead. And we got to have some fun outings – going to a pow wow and spending a bit of time at the pool.

Then our horseback riding instructor (who has also become a good friend) moved to the St. Louis area, and while we can keep in touch, we’ve said goodbye to having her as our regular instructor and seeing her quite as frequently.

And we switched Miranda from her regular swim club to summer swim league at our local pool. And it…did not go well. It was super crowded, including a lot of older kids, with more of a focus on racing against other kids during practice, as opposed to just improving yourself. It took only a couple days of misery before we switched her back to her regular swim team! I should have paid more attention to my own counsel, realizing that finding an activity that works well with a coach or instructor who is a good fit is hard to do – those good instructors are worth their weight in gold – and we should have just stuck with what was working. But we made it right, and even though we lost some money, and I felt like a bit of a flake, I’m glad we did it πŸ™‚

Then we wrapped up the month with a visit from my aunt and uncle! We got to have dinner and hang out with them and give them a brief tour of the Mizzou campus and just enjoy having a bit of time together.

The month was full of so much good stuff – we loved having visitors and opportunities for connection.

But also? I hate change. Knowing it is coming makes me nervous, and I always mourn for what we are losing. If it were up to me, I’d very rarely choose those transitions. And I think that’s one reason why God put me in a college town, where change happens constantly, and I’d have to deal with it. I can’t hold anything in my life too tightly, and I’m forced to embrace change and newness.

I’m still mourning the losses, the unexpected injuries, the moving of friends, and all the transitions. But I’m looking forward with hope to what is to come.

On Priorities, Family Teamwork, and Chores

Matt and I have talked a fair amount about our priorities for ourselves and our family, and, as will come as no surprise to anyone who has entered our house ever, having a perfectly organized, always-clean home is just not at the top of the list. I think that at this point in our lives, having 4 children ages 3-7 and homeschooling them all, the choice is really between having a clean house or ever doing anything else at allΒ – and because I’d like to have time to enjoy my husband, enjoy my children, have relationships with other people, occasionally read a book or write a blog post, or really do anything else ever, having a clean house is not a make or break thing.

That said, I do crave order, and it stresses me out when our house is a mess. We’ve always existed in that space of realizing that our house will not be perfectly clean – and being okay with that – but never quite being happy with how it does look on a daily basis. I read an article earlier this year that confirmed for me that this is a real thing – there is a link between stress and clutter. Since then, Matt and I have been slowly but steadily working to de-clutter our house and keep it more organized and clean, and that has beenΒ so good. I’ve found a rhythm for more of our household tasks that helps me to stay on top of them without it adding too much strain to my day, and having those routines has been so helpful.

Until a few weeks ago, our children’s contributions to our household tasks had primarily been on an as-requested basis, with the understanding that everyone was to help when asked to do so – and they’d sometimes even volunteer themselves or ask to help with various tasks. The big kids’ only real, routine chores were to (1) help clean up the living room every day after lunch and (2) put away their own laundry. However, we started to get increasing amounts of resistance when we’d ask our big kids to help with various tasks. As I shared recently, one of them whined, when asked to help set the table, that she felt like a slave when I asked her to do things around the house. The increasing resistance was pretty close to crossing my line of necessitating drastic measures, but the comparison of themselves to slaves was a leap far past that line.

Matt and I announced a family meeting, wherein we made a list of all of the household tasks that need to be done in order to keep our home running smoothly, how often those tasks need to be done, and who usually performs them.

Surprise, surprise, the performer of the majority of these tasks was me! We discussed the fact that our family is a team, and as such, it shouldn’t be one person’s job to handle all of the household work, and we asked the big girls to volunteer for jobs they’d like to do. Novelty is a strong motivator, and they each actually chose a number of tasks for which they’d like to be responsible!

I put together a couple laminated sheets, listing out each child’s Family Teamwork Jobs (aka chores) and the days on which they are responsible for those jobs, and we’ve been using that system for almost a month now.

It has made aΒ huge difference. The novelty has worn off, and the complaints have begun, but we have persisted in spite of that. There are very few jobs that even the big kids perform entirely on their own – but they’re still learning how to do each one and getting better at each as we get more experience, and I work with each of them to accomplish what needs to be done, so it’s an opportunity for us to build connection by working together. Additionally, I now have a schedule (and some accountability, in the form of 7-year-olds and their lists) for completing each task, so each one is more likely to be done than when I just waited and hoped for time to tackle it.

We’re seeing increased personal responsibility from our kids, and this is another vehicle to reinforce for all of us that our family is a team, and we work together to accomplish what needs to be done. I do give them some grace (most often when it is helpful for me to do so – i.e. when I just need the dishes to be done without spending 30 minutes doing them), but we largely stick to our schedules, and I think we’re growing as people, growing as a family…and our house is cleaner and more organized! We’re counting it as a win πŸ™‚

A Day in the Life of a Homeschooling Mom

A blog I follow is doing a series on a “Homeschool Day in the Life.” I loved reading through some of the writers’ entries on that topic and especially reading through their current and some of their older entries and seeing how their lives had changed over time. It’s such a fun record of what life is really like during a given stage and how that evolves over the years in small changes that often pass unnoticed at the time but add up into significant shifts over time. I’d like to keep that record for my family πŸ™‚

This year we have kiddos in 2nd grade (Miranda, age 7), 1st grade (Madeleine CaiQun, age 7), and a very, very, very loose pre-school (FangFang, age 4, and Atticus, age 3).Β I’m sharing about our day from last Friday.

I have been trying to get up early and spend some time doing my own Bible study before my kids are all up – but I’ve had a cold, and I wasn’t sleeping well, and in the night I re-set my alarm for 8:30 – a last possible wake-up time if a child didn’t wake me up before then πŸ™‚ I got up around then and headed downstairs for our breakfast routine.Β Matt and I work together to get breakfast on the table for everyone, and while we’re eating, the big kids work on math and handwriting. Miranda is using Singapore for math this year, and she usually doesn’t need much instruction – math just clicks for her. Madeleine CaiQun uses Math-U-See, so she and I watch a DVD of instruction together every 5 or 6 days, but otherwise she just needs to do one workbook lesson each morning. As they finish, I check their work and call them back to the table to fix anything that was not correct the first time.

Once math and handwriting (our table subjects) are out of the way, the kids get some free play time. I’ll usually take this time to do any dinner prep that needs to be taken care of ahead of time, respond to some e-mails, or do some cleaning. On this particular day, I mostly did some cleaning, so our kitchen and dining room would be in better shape when our Chinese teacher arrived to help us make dumplings that afternoon.

Around 11:00 I gave the girls a 5 minute warning that we’d be starting our reading school soon. They know that means it’s time to start wrapping up, but we still had a bit of difficulty transitioning from play time back to school work. It’s easier when we have a concrete activity to do (a Cosmic Yoga show or a walk, for example), but they also love just having free play time.

For reading school, the big kids join me on the couch. More often than not, the littles join us, too, but on this day, they were fascinated by a book they got out on their own and chose to look at that together instead.

The big girls and I read through our books for Bible, History, Geography, and some Literature from our Sonlight curriculum and our readings for Black History Month. Normally we’d do Science, too, but our most recent book about Science had been a Magic School Bus book, and they’d been so excited about it that we’d tackled 5 days’ worth of reading and work all in one day! We also often do a lesson from our Language Arts book and/or Spelling, but Thursdays and Fridays get a bit tight for us with our afternoon commitments, and we were starting a bit late, so I opted not to try to get those in. We still had a pile of books to work through, though πŸ™‚

Miranda was having a bit of a rough day. She is strong-willed, passionate, and intense – all amazing, wonderful personality traits – but sometimes it’s hard for her to settle in to what her mama wants to do at any given moment πŸ˜‰ Routine helps with that but doesn’t eliminate the struggle entirely, and we continue to work and pray.

Once we finished that portion of school, it was almost lunch time. I agreed that the big girls could have a break from work and take some more time to play if they would promise to help me finish cleaning up after lunch. Lunches at our house these days tend to be leftovers, some thrown together snack type foods (veggies, fruit, yogurt, crackers, nuts, cheese, etc.) or, probably most frequently, some sort of pasta – spaghetti, ravioli, or macaroni and cheese – not the absolute healthiest, but they’re quick and easy and work for everyone! We reviewed our current Bible memory verses and some of our Chinese language learning during lunch – in particular, we were supposed to have a Happy New Year poem ready to recite, so we needed to make sure we were prepared for that!

After lunch, I reminded the girls of their promise to help clean up…and it did not exactly go how I would have desired. I needed to get the dining room table cleared and cleaned, and if the big kids are in a great, agreeable mood, they can do a decent job of picking up toys, but they’re still at an age where they often need me to help break the job down into smaller pieces and participate along with them, and the little kids are definitely still at that age. They disobeyed, I yelled, and we all needed to apologize and seek forgiveness. We managed to get it all done, and then we snuggled on the couch to read a couple Encyclopedia Brown stories before our Chinese teacher arrived.

On a normal non-Friday day, after our living room clean-up time, we’d usually have 15-45 minutes of quiet reading time, and then the kids would watch a couple shows on Netflix while I worked. Then on Mondays, Wednesdays, and most Fridays, we’d get ready to head out for Miranda’s swim practice. On his way home from work, Matt sometimes picks up the younger kids there so they don’t have to stay through the entire practice (and I don’t have to corral them all through the entire practice, because let’s just say that bringing a 3-year-old boy to swim practice is always an adventure πŸ˜‰ ), but otherwise we all hang out there until we come home for dinner time. Tuesdays we have our small group, and Thursdays FangFang has PT earlier in the afternoon, so the whole reading and tv and work routine gets shifted later so it bumps up right into dinner time.

On Friday afternoons, though, our Chinese teacher comes! Normally we work on language learning, but this week we got to learn how to make dumplings!

Jenny had already made some pork dumplings ahead of time, and she had prepared some vegetarian filling to bring so we could all work together to make vegetarian dumplings to stay closer to our mostly pescetarian diet. We all loved making the dumplings, and she has promised to give me her filling recipes, so we can replicate them in the future! Then, of course, we cooked and ate them – yum!

After Jenny left, I had the big girls do their independent reading and then come discuss it with me as they finished. This is the first year in which I’m not having them read all of their readers out loud to me. Partly that’s a practical matter – as they have grown in reading ability, they’ve also grown in quantities that they read, and it saves us all time if they read quietly on their own πŸ™‚ But also they are good enough readers now that they can read quietly and independently, which is pretty awesome!

Then I let the kiddos watch a couple tv shows. I needed to finish cleaning up from our dumpling making and then get started on dinner, so I wouldn’t be able to get in any work time, but we all need some quiet down time in the afternoon. And I was able to make our baked oatmeal and smoothie “breakfast for dinner” meal and get another dish of baked oatmeal prepared and in the refrigerator to take the next morning to a women’s ministry event at church.

The big girls and I had some conflict again that evening when I asked them to help me set the table for dinner. They didn’t want to, they said. They wouldn’t do it, they said. When I ask them to do things around the house, they feel like slaves, they said. We had a conversation about authority, teamwork, and who actually does most of the household work. One daughter seemed mollified; the other stomped up to her room.

We’d been planning to attend a Chinese New Year showcase, featuring our school district’s students who have been learning Mandarin, but once Matt got home, he and I had to have a conversation about whether that could still happen in light of all the drama of the day. The daughter who had refused to help at dinner time insisted that she would modify her behavior, and she was able to handle it, and she wanted us to go – and I really wanted us all to go. We are pretty busy, and it feels like a lot of our life consists of Matt taking the kids to a fun event while I work or me taking kids to a fun event while he works, or one of us taking some of the kids while the other stays home with another group of kids, not all of us doing things together. I had been looking forward to a fun outing for us all to enjoy together, so I was glad to be able to make it happen. We loaded everyone into the van and headed downtown for the showcase.

Matt put the little kids to bed when we got home, and the big kids stayed up just a bit longer and watched a show while I exercised on our elliptical before I put them to bed. We’ve been reading some Encyclopedia Brown stories, as well as our primary Read-Alouds, as bedtime stories. After I read to them, I prayed for them and tucked them in and came back downstairs – parenting day done – phew.

Matt and I generally try to reconnect and spend some time together after the kids are in bed. I showered, and then we chatted about our days and my women’s ministry event the next morning and just random, fun stuff while we played Upwords. Usually we go to bed at the same time, and I read to him from the book we’re reading together, but on this particular night, he still felt like he had some energy and had a painting he wanted to work on, but I was pretty wiped out. I went upstairs and climbed into bed and journaled and prayed for a little while. I’d been feeling a bit disconnected from God – I’m sure in part due to my not getting up early to spend time in the Word on my own, but also I’ve been very focused on doing things recently, less on being thoughtful and prayerful about what He could be doing and how I could and should be responding to that. I needed to spend some time wrestling with that (and realizing that it had probably played a part in our hard day, as well), and then I read for just a few minutes before I went to sleep.

Honestly, it didn’t feel like a great day. Making dumplings was super cool, and it was neat to see the Chinese New Year showcase. But the kids and I had more conflict than usual. I got a lot of cleaning done but not a lot of fun, relaxing time with the kiddos. It was a stressful day. But some days are like that. I thought about going back and choosing a different day to write about (the next day we had a lot of fun and games and puzzles and happiness!), but that seemed less genuine. The truth is that we have some really fun, encouraging days, but we also have days full of conflict and anger and hurt feelings and apologies and repentance, and they’re both real. Maybe next year my “day in the life” post will hit on a better day πŸ™‚ Until then, this was just one day in our homeschooling life!

Christmas 2017

It has been several years since we have traveled for Christmas, but this year we made the trip to Wisconsin, where I grew up and where my mom still lives, to spend Christmas with my mom, my dad, and my brother David (Daniel was out east with his wife Sharon and her family).

It was probably a good thing that we were heading north instead of hosting people here. Traveling for FangFang’s latest surgery and then continuing to help her recover once home, plus trying to get in a bit of schooling with the big kids, and just live life (feed everyone at least 3 meals a day, make sure everyone has clean underwear, and keep everyone alive) was pretty much all I could handle the couple weeks before we left. This was the extent of my Christmas decorating.

And you know why that was up? It’s because my mom made it with Miranda last year while I was in China, and Miranda didn’t want to take it down, so it stayed up all year. And ripped. And I just left it there. We did no Christmas tree at home, no Christmas crafts. We did watch some Christmas movies πŸ™‚ Matt did some Advent stuff with the kids. And I started reading through the Jesus Storybook Bible Advent reading plan with them…and then failed to finish it. But this year’s holiday season was one of realizing that we could not do it all and that we needed to prioritize what was most important, focus on that, and not sweat the rest. We talked about Christmas being a celebration of Jesus’s birth and what that meant. We listened to Christmas music. And we looked forward to heading to Wisconsin to be with family πŸ™‚

The big girls were very excited and toldΒ many people that while everyone staying here was probably going to have a green Christmas in Missouri, we would be enjoying a white Christmas in Wisconsin. They were rather disappointed when we arrived to only small patches of snow on the ground. David and I took all the kids for a walk a couple days after we got to Wisconsin, and they collected all the snow they could find in this stroller and then brought it home and dumped it outside the window of my old room, where the big girls were sleeping, so they could look out at it to enjoy a white Christmas!

Unfortunately, it wasΒ really cold, so that was pretty much our only outdoor outing for the whole trip. We did have a lot of indoor entertainment, though πŸ™‚ Madeleine CaiQun’s siblings got her a paleontology excavation kit for Christmas, and she chipped away at it (sometimes with a bit of help from Miranda) until she had uncovered every single bone and put together her dinosaur model!

Miranda has been interested in learning more about how to sew, so she dove into this sewing kit project as soon as she received it!

We’ve learned, over the years, that our kids do better with a “Christmas season,” as opposed to one giant, overwhelming morning of a million presents and no time to enjoy any of them, so we started letting them open presents, one or two at a time, several days before Christmas.

Even so, Christmas morning was a big deal πŸ™‚

I love these photos of my kiddos spending time with family and enjoying their gifts <3

We made our traditional Christmas cut-out cookies and frosted them the evening of Christmas Day. Somehow the frosting turned out super runny this year, which made things more difficult than usual, but we managed to enjoy the evening and make some nice cookies πŸ™‚

The time in Wisconsin was, overall, very relaxing. We didn’t go out much – it was freezing cold, and Matt had a sinus infection that sent him to urgent care (and then back to bed) early on in our trip, so we ended up spending a lot of time just relaxing at my mom’s. That wasn’t all bad, though. Matt made a lot of small artworks. I read some books. The kids played and had space to really enjoy their time with extended family. Miranda played more games of Yahtzee with my dad than I could count. We received several more cooperative games for Christmas gifts, and we all enjoyed playing those together. There was time to play with Playmobil and puzzles and, of course, dinosaurs. Some of us adults frequently played cards after kids were in bed…and Atticus woke up a couple times and sat with me while we finished our games πŸ˜‰

And we did get out a bit. In addition to our Chicagoland trips, I finished reading Wonder out loud to the big girls, so the two of them and my mom and David and I went and saw the movie one evening.Β And after Matt started recovering, we were able to go out and connect with a few friends in the area. Miranda found a fellow climber in my cousin’s daughter, which was so fun to see!

Overall, it was one of the most relaxing Wisconsin trips we’ve had. I think we often pack them full of things to do and people to see, and while I love getting out and enjoying other places away from home and connecting with friends and family, our last few weeks leading up to Christmas were intense that it was probably perfect timing for us to have some pretty low key time with family. It was a good Christmas celebration!

Thanksgiving with Family 2017

This year my whole family came to our place to celebrate Thanksgiving! My brothers both arrived the weekend before the holiday, so we got to spend an entire week together, which was great, since it had been over a year since all three of us had had that much time together. And because we had a good amount of time, we were able do a lot of fun activities πŸ™‚ First up was a trip to the park.

My dad arrived early in the week, as well, and he and Matt and my brothers took all the kids bowling, while I got some work done at home. Everyone reported having a great time!

My mom arrived on Tuesday, which was also her birthday! At her request, we had chocolate cupcakes and ice cream to celebrate πŸ™‚

There was much late night card-playing after the kiddos were in bed.

And of course we enjoyed a great Thanksgiving meal as we celebrated the holiday together!

Sharon was actually only able to be there for Thursday and Friday, but we enjoyed the time we did have with her!

Friday night we started what I hope will be a new family tradition – a book discussion! Matt had read Hillbilly Elegy and really wanted to talk about it with my mom, and we thought we’d see if other people wanted to read and discuss it, too. Not everyone was super interested in that book, but they were on board with having a book discussion, so we agreed on Celeste Ng’s Little Fires Everywhere. It was a fascinating read, an interesting exploration of family dynamics, identity, conformity, and creativity, and it was fun to discuss it all as a family.

Saturday morning, Miranda was thrilled to bring my mom and David to watch her horseback riding lesson.

And thanks to the great weather, there was more park time that afternoon!

It’s hard living far away from all of our family members – but we are super thankful for the time we do get to have with them. It was so nice to be all together for Thanksgiving <3