the tipping point

Today’s the day – or at least our best guess as to the day. Madeleine CaiQun has been with us as many days as she lived in China without us. My emotions as I’ve thought about this day have been something of a mixture.

On the one hand, I believe that it is best for children to grow up with the mothers who gave birth to them. A mother bonds with her baby during the 9 months the baby spends in her body. A baby recognizes his or her mother’s voice at birth. It’s good and natural and right for families to be preserved whenever possible.

Sometimes, however, family preservation is just not possible. I don’t know the circumstances surrounding Madeleine CaiQun’s departure from her first family, but whatever they were, she and they suffered a profound loss at that time.

And while I believe most nannies in most orphanages do the best they can to care for the children with whom they are surrounded, the staff-to-child ratio is generally far too low, the resources far too scant, and no matter how good, an institution can never replace a family. Some children fare better in that environment than others, and our little one was not doing so well. At age 2.5, she was beautiful but only the size and at only the developmental level of a 15-month-old. She was so small, so behind, that she actually qualified for a failure to thrive diagnosis at her first visit to our pediatrician. As prepared as I was for all sorts of possibilities, I felt a lump in my throat as I looked at the lab slip with those words written across the top.

Our girl came to us hungry for food and for love.


And now, 2.5 years and 5 days later, she’s had as much time as a beloved family member as she had without us. To say that she has blossomed would be an understatement. No more silent tears. No more clutching at a snack cup as she drifted off to sleep. Our little Madeleine CaiQun is a beloved daughter, sister, granddaughter, and niece, and she knows it. She radiates joy and is full of love. Her innate intelligence is readily apparent and her perseverance admirable. She empathizes easily and is quick to share and to encourage.


We’ve been oh-so-blessed by the years we’ve had with her thus far, and we’re so looking forward to the future we have together.

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